


Waiting for an Answer

by pyrrhical (anoyo)



Series: Time Pieces [8]
Category: Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Dark, First Person, M/M, Second Person, Spoilers: Rainbow Bridge, Subaru POV, Time Piece, intentional tense changes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-27
Updated: 2008-04-27
Packaged: 2018-09-30 15:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10165748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoyo/pseuds/pyrrhical
Summary: "You know, in a drunken haze, I once made the comparison between you and the Easter Bunny.  You know, that Western thing that brings eggs full of candy?"Subaru thinks about Seishirou at a bunch of different points in time. Really, there's no timeline to this. And it's kind of dark. (I say this like that should be shocking.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written 4/27/08.
> 
> This is a "Time Piece." It's a thing I do when I want to inspire myself. I put my iTunes on shuffle and start writing to whatever comes up, and continue writing through the next four songs. All five songs are written to the same story, but there are subtle changes with the music to the storyline, so the song switches are actually part of the story. Yes, I know this is sort of strange.
> 
> There is absolutely no timeline to this, and I'm not actually sorry. It's all Subaru's POV, so at least there's that.

**Time Piece 1  
** Blink-182  
Man Overboard 

_So sorry it's over. There's so much more that I wanted, and there's so much more that I needed, and soon we'll all be gone._

You know, in a drunken haze, I once made the comparison between you and the Easter Bunny. You know, that Western thing that brings eggs full of candy?

You come, you bring something, it turns out to be something you don't expect it to be, that it doesn't look like, and then you leave again, to come back with something just as bizarre, but less unexpected.

I could write it off as the drunken haze, but it seems to still make sense, even now. Maybe it wasn't the drunken haze -- maybe I'm just broken. 

I could laugh: something that isn't what it looks like. I have to hold someone else up, and I'm not even holding myself up.

Maybe that's what the Easter Bunny is for. A glimpse of wishing, hoping. Maybe.

Maybe I should be drunk again. Maybe it'll make sense.

**Time Piece 2  
** H.I.M.  
Join Me 

_Already we are considering escape from this world._

What on earth possessed you? 

Maybe that's not such a great question. How about, "What in heaven possessed you?" because I think we can rightly blame at least three people here, and one of them's in heaven, the other's who the hell knows where, and I'm certainly not on earth. Not the earth I know, anyway. The one that makes a semblance of sense.

_Would you die tonight for love?_

You're a cocky, arrogant bastard. You piss me off. You beat the shit out of me. For all I can tell, I'm one of those battered wives I always counsel to ditch their husbands when they ask me if maybe the man's been possessed. Only, well, I don't get the ring. Or the reliability. Or the sex.

You still haven't answered my question. What possessed you? You were winning. You would have won. I mean, the spell points out that you did win. So what possessed you? I'm waiting for an answer. Probably for a long time.

**Time Piece 3  
** Incubus  
The Warmth 

Over and over again we, cycle the same damned thing.

You come to me. You make me feel alive. Then you hurt me. Then you break me. Then you leave me.

_So don't let the world bring you down. Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold. Remember why you came why you're alive. Experience the war before you grow old._

And then I get up, brush myself off, try to put myself back together, and move on.

Only, I don't, do I? I don't really move on. I mean, the record, to repeat, has to go back to the same groove, doesn't it? Then I must not move on. I must move back.

So the circles. 

The same thing, over and over. And my head is just not figuring it out anymore. I don't know if it's doing the same thing as the two of us, with our two-step waltz, but it just can't get over screaming at me to get the hell out.

Out of what? What is there to get out of? This perverse dance? 

If only I knew how. If only my brain would stop yelling and start offering solutions. If only you'd disappear.

**Time Piece 4  
** Eminem  
Toy Soldiers 

_I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure, who holds the weight of the whole world on his shoulders._

Hokuto is the bright one, the living one, the vibrant one. Grandma had to pick someone to inherit the position as Sumeragi Head, and I'd never go back to make Hokuto take up this mantle. She has so much more life than I do, and I don't want to diminish that.

But sometimes, I just want a nap. A long, long nap. Maybe longer than I should.

Only I can't do that, because then Hokuto will have to do this anyway, and then with even more on her shoulders, and I could never do that. I could never leave Hokuto alone, not for such a selfish thing as that. 

So I take my respites in little ways. Calm. Step by step. That's how we all live, isn't it? Calm?

And if, maybe, I can see something I want, I can try for it? Because that's almost as good, isn't it? Making not being able to sleep not the worst thing in the world?

**Time Piece 5  
** SR-71  
Tomorrow 

_You wonder why I'm scared. If I was a little younger, would I care?_

When my mother died, it felt like a dream. My destiny. What I was supposed to do. My purpose in life. I was euphoric for a time, until I realized it: I'm alone. I'm all alone.

Then came the despair. The realization that a destiny is nothing without someone to share it with. So I began my search: that person worthy of my future. No one was right. No one was perfect. No one until you.

_I'm not afraid of tomorrow. I'm only scared of myself. Feels like my insides are on fire. And I'm looking through the eyes of someone else._

You did it. You made me want to continue on into my destiny. It probably helped that your destiny and mine were intertwined from the beginning. That you walked the same as me, only on the opposite bank of the river.

I would never be alone so long as you were there.


End file.
